"The other was how to handle her Passive-Aggressive behavior."
Really? Can you not see that you are the one with the Passive/Aggressive behavior?
Actually the MC says we are both Passive Aggressive but mine comes from defense. It's a defensive stance.
I am really trying to be the best man I can be. The OM has left, the WW is completely exhausted.
I refuse to bring up OM to her, I am just going to. E there for her.
My S21 is moving home this weekend and we will have a full house again.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
My passive aggressiveness comes from fear. I seam to be afraid to make my wife upset with me. So instead of being blunt or direct I act passive aggressively towards her.
This is a big 180 for me to not let myself be " afraid" of her angry outbursts.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Where I find I still do it is when she triggers my concern that she may have been physical with OM.
What happens is we are having a nice conversation...
- she says something very positive " I told the MC how he would keep me for hours talking and talking and over emphasizing his point and the clock would tick tick tick, then I would drive to drop him off and he would repeat himself for another hour " " whereas you were worried about my safety, you did not want me to drive home alone late at night, he did not seem to care as long as he got his point across"
Me--- I was wondering why a dinner at a Diner took 4 hours....
" don't even go there, don't"
Me--- oh what do you think, I think you were having sex, you already told me you had no interest in any man that way right now...( passive-aggressive I assume)
" I said not to go there" ---gritting her teeth and being visibly angry...
That's the one thing I really can't shake from my brain. In any other way I have been really good. I guess I just don't want to be lied to, that's the issue...
But I am not going to even touch on the last two weeks and if she brings it up I am not going to do anymore but listen...
Why are you listening to the details of the places she's been on dates? I just don't get it. And they ARE dates.
By actually listening about her dates with OM, you are sending yourself into the friend zone , not him.
And how in gods name to reconcile with someone who remains BFF with their AP? Saw you wrote that too. That she will become BFF with him.
I'm just not grasping this.
I am not listening to what they did. She wanted me to know that they were places he was Famularo with. The MC said to be very careful about saying " please don't tell me where you went with..,," She said to word it right so it does not come off Passive Aggresive.
That's what I struggle with how to word it just so
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
But it isn't for me to grasp I guess. But you might want to think how that's going to work for you?
I am pushing her to end this BFF thing. It's Gounod to take time.
How hard can I push it?
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I am not really listening she volunteers the info and when I walk out I the room she continues to tell me.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
The fact that your wife thinks it's okay to discuss her boyfriend with you, and their dates, speaks volumes about your stance throughout this long ordeal, Ox. Now that you are at this stage I guess you're going to play out the hand your counselor is advising you to play, but this is all just SO wrong, on SO many levels.
I get into some pretty spirited debates sometimes on this forum with people who contend that the best time to lay and enforce boundaries is LATER, after you've made your improvements and after the poster is "better prepared" to deal with them. I always STRONGLY disagree, saying that if you don't lay them early, then their wayward spouse's actions will become acceptable and tacitly agreed to. Crap behavior is crap behavior, and should ALWAYS be addressed early on.
