Hey, Ss, I've been following your sitch. I'm sorry you are where you are.
It's too soon to think about detachment in piecing, but if you read and understand the piece 25years posted, you'll see that it has less to do with being loving and more to do with preserving your own individuality and respecting the other person's individuality.
I have actually been practicing some detachment with my kids and it's made me a much better parent. If they act up I take it less personally so I can correct them more effectively. I see them more clearly, appreciate and enjoy them more, notice them more fully. It's very freeing and we're enjoying one another much more.
It is true that it's not easy. It occurs in layers and there is struggle at each level. But it helps, a lot.
Like yours, my H complained a lot about how emotional I got. But it was a push-pull process -- the more neglected I felt the louder I complained. So take responsibility for the changes you can make, absolutely, but detach also, so that you're making them to be more whole within yourself, and not to win him back.
Work at it and welcome the separation as something that will make detaching possible -- I couldn't do it while H was living with me, and if it's got to happen then you'd best make good use of it.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
