"The third time's lucky. "

[TL72*]

cc - I was detached, but still had the door ajar. I would have taken him back (like you said, with conditions) up until that point when I met someone. I had dated a couple others before that but there was no connection, I was just trying to make friends and GAL, not looking for a new love. I know it sounds cheezy but this man I met, it wasn't love at first sight, but there were so many "clicks" telling me "hey don't let this one slip away". That was when I shut the door, dropped the rope, my heart finally told me I deserved better and that I would not be able to wait years for the ex to "maybe" come to his senses, no guarantees so why waste any more time on emotionally investing in a dead relationship. That wasn't healthy for me. The test was when he came over to visit the dogs the last time (in early June I think) and I felt nothing for him. Indifference. The opposite of love. It was awkward and like I didn't even know him anymore. Zero attraction. I was "done" and everything inside me told me so. When you are ready to drop the rope, you'll know. I wrote that date in there when I was trying to think of when it happened and that was what I came to, finally feeling like I was completely whole on my own and no longer co-dependent on the ex. I just noticed (probably noticed it before but forgot) that your BD was the day before mine. I think you and I are pretty close in our journeys and you sound stronger all the time.

spoke with mortgage company yesterday and they sent the check out Monday, so it should be here probably today or tomorrow. I am praying on it - I know that money is mine for the taxes and insurance but definitely not worth stressing or fighting about and if I ask him to sign it for me he'll blow up, I'm certain of it. So I may just sign it and mail it to him and ask to not be contacted again. I'm still rolling this around in my mind. What irks me is that i'm thinking about it and I don't want to - thoughts of the ex are not welcome anymore so this might be the best way to end thinking about him, just get it over with.