Maybell, I am sorry you are going through this. But I selfishly love how reading through your insights help me so much! I appreciate how you articulated the feeling of "I am your wife. It's insensitive of you to think that we can be friends." It's like, they are in this dream fantasy world that they can suddenly walk away from their marriage and family, and that we will magically agree that that's the right decision, and have no hard feelings! I mean, come on.
And I think that the messiness you've felt in the last week or so was crucial in leading you to this next step-- "I wonder what will happen" is such a great attitude. The river will flow. We can't control it. We can only control ourselves. And, sometimes, even if we patch up our raft, and paddle with strength and confidence, the rapids are just too tricky, and we hit a rock and tip over. There is just no way to predict exactly what will happen. Letting go of that desire to have a specific outcome can lead to great peace and happiness.
I think my life philosophy has evolved into something like this: I can't just sit back and let things happen to me (I AM a change agent in my own life), but I have to be flexible enough to realize that the path I'm on right now may not be the one I stay on. And that's ok.
