DBing after WAW then reactive EA by me...NO QUIT!

[Joe1981]

Pulled the trigger. Had to borrow from my mom. But it could be worth it. It's easily the best thing I've ever gotten her.

[25yearsmlc]

Pulled the trigger. Had to borrow from my mom. But it could be worth it. It's easily the best thing I've ever gotten her.

if it is the best thing you've ever gotten her, then I'd say it's at least a decent reason for some debt.

Now and then in my life, I've broken down to borrow for something that felt very important, and b/c we are not big borrowers, that's a rare thing.

And it has paid off (meaning, it was indeed worth it). I'll cross my fingers and hope the same. At least you tried. And from now on, put some money aside.

Even 10-$20 now and then, you'd be surprised how that adds up. I put about 20-$40 away one year, and then part of a bonus, and a birthday gift from my mom, etc.


At the end of 18 months, I had almost enough to go to Italy, with my 3 kids. Yeah, seriously, I was so close to really being able to afford it, that my mom and aunt GAVE me the remaining $1000 for the trip and we all had a blast.

Best money I ever begged/borrowed saved and "glommed", for sure. And it never "hurt" to save it - b/c it was a little at a time. It was, believe it or not, FUN to save up for it.

Good luck!

[Joe1981]

Here's to hoping it is well received.

[Bob1967]

If you believe gifts are the key and you realize you are terrible at gifts then do a 180 with gifts.

When you give gifts what do you normally give? And how do you normally give them?

Now do the opposite.

Women are not hard to buy gifts for if you listen to them. They will always tell you what they like. What kind of soap does she use? Perfume. Shampoo?

The key to buying gifts for a women is don't get clever. Women like what they like. It is NEVER the thought that counts.

If she uses a special soap she can only get at some bath place don't buy her soap from Walmart. Find out where she buys her stuff and go there. She'll like that you made the effort.

On the other hand it will piss her off if you don't get what she likes because it says you weren't paying attention.

[Bob1967]

By the way I think tickets to the game is pretty freaking cool if she's a sports nut.

[25yearsmlc]

I really don't mean to quibble b/c I like a lot of what Bob is saying. But for me, the thought absolutely DOES count.

That's why it matters to us to be listened to. That's how we feel it, i.e. that you cared, is what matters the most.

And that MIGHT be shown by the gift - but it is certainly shown by the thought that goes into it.

If you ordered something I had said a long time ago that I LOVED, even if my taste has changed, (assuming I did not tell you it had changed),

If I know you got the gift with my comment of long ago in mind, that you remembered it and took it to heart, then I'll value that b/c YOU valued what I said.

Make sense?

OTOH, I once saw Chanel #5 and commented to my h that "Chanel makes a lot of great perfumes. I don't happen to like #5, but I love "Chance" by Chanel"....

I got Chanel #5 for Christmas! Yes, it bugged me (not a lot) but sure, it irked me b/c it's as if h tuned out after I made PART of a comment. If he'd listened to the whole sentence He would have recalled that #5 is the perfume by Chanel, which I do NOT like...

It's not as if I spoke a long time about perfume. But I had to recall also, that perfume talk bores h a lot. I'm a little amused that he remembered any of what I said, but yes, I wish he recalled the "whole talk" (all 10 seconds of it). Food for thought.

I made a comment once about some earrings I saw and how the "cut" made them look so reflective they were beautiful.

Got them for our anniversary and YES I loved that.

More food for thought.

Good luck Joe. Be upbeat without expectations, and do NOT make this gift about your self worth, okay?

It's A gift...hopefully one of many she'll receive from you over a life time.

She could do well to be a bit grateful too, for the effort.

Keep on keeping on...

[Joe1981]

She was thankful. Very, but she kept it fairly reserved to me. I know it threw her. She also spent basically the rest of the night texting and is wearing a packer shirt to work tomorrow. So I think I did well. Don't know if she'll take me w/ her. I hope so, but if not, I'll live. If she doesn't, I hope she takes S5, he'd love it.

It felt good to see her happy. I might be getting the idea behind this gift thing after all. Growing up.

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm cautiously optimistic that this'll take a positive turn soon.

[LisaB]

Hi Joe1981! Terrific! I'm glad she liked your gift!

Bob1967 and 25yearsmlc I completely agree with both of you and I think you are saying the same thing. It is the thought that counts. The gift giver has to THINK about what would make the receiver happy. But sometimes that can just be something sweet, not something they have been wanting. But yes I agree that paying attention to what the receiver truly likes is the best kind of gift, even a small thing like a candle or bar of soap. If we are talking about daily or weekly gifts they can't always be some expensive extravagance so sometimes a little token is fine like a cookie or flowers or whatever.

Anyway, congrats Joe! That's great! Keep it up!

Hugs,
LisaB

[Joe1981]

Ok. She's being more friendly. Making a little talk that sounds like there's a future us. She hasn't said anything that really moves things to a good place yet, but I'll be patient and keep on trying w/ no immediate expectations.

I've been winning the internal battle over having R talk. The fool part of me wants to start that. The DB part of me know better. I know that will only push her away. I can wait until she's ready for R talk. Just hoping she stays away from D talk for now.

I can do this!

[LisaB]

That's great Joe! No R talk unless she initiates and then just listen.
Hugs, LisaB