Dealing with ongoing affair -which may now be over

[sandi2]

Hey, I had to dig up your thread. (lol) I knew you had to be here somewhere.

To answer your question, I think you should not present the DB material to her. In fact, I don't know that suggesting any books to read is the best idea. B/c she is too tired and doesn't have the time to read (and study) books. Didn't she say she was jealous of you having time to read?

So, why not direct her question of "what now" back to her. Ask her what would she be willing to do in order to reconcile. Don't take the conversation over, just listen to what she says (or doesn't say).

There are a few things that still concern me. She is too private about her whereabouts, phone, etc. She doesn't like it if you causally ask where she's going. I believe she's got to let go of it.....if she has nothing to hide. If she's going to be in a M with you, she can't have a hidden life you know nothing about.

The other thing that concerns me is how she seems to talk about a future friendship, but doesn't refer with the same intensity toward a MR (unless that's just how you wrote it). She has mentioned several times how she wants the two of you to be good friends. She may even be interested in friends with benefits, IDK. But when she says a reconciliation should not be work and it should be easy.....that sounds so script for a WAW. It seems to me that most people would know that you have to put work into it. Not working on a R is what causes so many problems.

One of the many issues the WAW has, is that starting a new relationship with a new person is so much easier than working to fix the old one. That's why her answer sounds too script to ring completely clear. But maybe that's just me.

She is holding you at arms length. I think you pushed your luck by inviting yourself to sleep with her. I think you really need to wait and see if she warms up toward you more physically before making those type of moves.

So IDK that she'll bring it up again (about the R). You may want to ask her what she's willing to do to get the M back on track. If she doesn't offer much of an answer, then tell her that you think it would be wise to have some type of professional guidance (solution based) in piecing the M back together again. You don't want to take chances of just seeing where it goes. (That's what a WAS does.....just wants to see where it goes, b/c they base everything on emotions.) You could find a highly recommended program for repairing M's, therapist, or whatever. But I strongly recommend you invest in something that will help the two of you. Things don't just fall into place (at least they won't stay that way) without knowing what to do when faced with certain issues.

I think you could determine where you stand by the answer she gives. She may not be on board yet. You may want to wait till later and continue more of the same. But there is something that seems off and I have to wonder if she's being fully open or honest about everything.