Mindsink - Part 2

[mindsin]

I continue to dispute that in your situation. I think you are looking for a method that requires the least risk to your ego. Seems to me with your past infidelities, your ego is probably the underlying cause of a lot of your problems today, and in the past.

While I agree with you about my past, I'll have to disagree with you regarding the present. If you had said this to me even a couple weeks ago, you would be correct. However, at this point, I have completely set aside my pride and ego. I just want to do what works.

I don't see "Too much pursuit" as being your problem. Too many attempts to control her, YES, but not genuine changes in you, not sincere outreach to her, not deep reflections....

lots of resistance and lots of defensiveness in you. That's what I'm picking up, and the elephant in the room of course, the hypocrisy of your double standards.

Agreed. I am working on that. I think I've actually made vast improvements just in the last 5 days.

That^^ is called SUCCESS....OMG, follow up on that!!

Yes, that ^^ is how it usually works. Maybe not when you were having your escorts but I'm sure you'll agree the escorts were about you, not your w. So, being kind is met with kindness. Minds, does that surprise you and if so, why do you believe that it was a surprise? What was your parents marriage like?

How was forgiveness modeled in your childhood and family?

I think part of the problem is that I know how smart she is. Because of this, I get suspicious about everything she does. "What is she trying to do here?" is a question I ask myself every time she seems to be extra nice to me, or wants to spend time with me, etc. However, with that said, perhaps most of that is in my head, because I'M actually the person who is calculated and manipulative here, and I may be assuming that my wife also posesses those traits because of how smart and successful she is, how well she can read people, and how she always seems to be thinking three moves ahead with regard to everything in her life. It took a lot of calculated deception and manipulation for me to pull off 5 years of selfishness to fulfill my sexual addiction. I'm assuming the same with her, when historically speaking, she has never shown any proof of such.

I agree that you should NOT tell her about YOUR NEEDS now. I suspect she knows them b/c I think you've told her in so many ways that she failed to meet them (unless you agreed that your affairs were about YOU and your ego, and not about her)

I have told her exactly that (recently) -- that it was about me and not about her.

You said your affairs went on for about 5 years, right? OR they ended 5 years ago?

Are you saying that 6 months or one year of her having an affair is "too long" for you to work on yourself? That You "must" file b/c she is cheating? What does your DB coach say about that?

I just want to be clear on your parameters. I don't really understand them at this time.

It went on for about 5 years (2006-2011).

I am not saying 6 months to a year of her having an affair is too long to work on myself. I have no intention of filing.