I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[25yearsmlc]

This werk I am flying to Philly for my MBA classes. This weekend I was in Oregon for a teen conference with Alanon/Alateen.

And in the mean time I'm trying not to spin out about her

While you are in Philly, look up the personal growth workshop called "Essential Experience" I told you about earlier. (In fact it's this weekend, which is pretty ironic).

And as for spinning, YOU ARE NOW SPINNING - so just stop it. You keep saying you want her to feel validated and heard, and she did, with your brief, to the point note. Now back off b/c

she also threatened to get a restraining order on you if you didn't stop harassing her. Don't take her one gesture towards you, and then stomp on it with your frantic need for more.

With your brief answer to her, which acknowledged her feelings and did not argue FOR more for yourself, you are letting her feel safe in reaching out.

If you pounce on it (as you are now threatening,) you'll blow it again. You send her running back to her cave.

DB, learn to Back off and STFU. I think it's going to help you more than anything else at this time.

Hang in there and STOP assuming it's either something to pounce on -- OR the death knell of the Relationship.

It's not a black and white thing; but you could make it that way if you keep spinning. Get off the merry go round now, okay?

Back off and put some trust in the love you two once had. If it was real on both ends, and if you back off, those memories will resurface so back off, STFU and try trusting your perceptions of what you had.

Let that grow back, recover, heal some....and we'll help you if and when you get a real chance for more with her. BUT NOW IS NOT THAT TIME.

No one here is advising you to reach out more. We are all in agreement so trust that, okay?

Got it?

Try answering some of the many questions you've been asked please. Those questions are for your benefit. But they take time, so do us the honor of answering them, alright? I promise you will get something out of that.