My H's MLC #2

[BklynMom]

Hey Sarah

I believe you should remain firm and let things be. I think at the beginning of my journey I thought somehow if I was understanding enough and nice enough my xH would see that and come home. I dont believe that. I think the DB book suggests that but I dont think it works if its a MLC.

My reality was that the day my xH dropped the bomb, which came out of no where just like your bomb, my xH never looked back at me. My xH only looks for reasons to this day to believe I am a B!tch. They need to justify their behavior.

Right now he is so "in love" with OW that he needs to believe that you caused this.

I dont think being more friendly works - I think showing him that you have your own life and possible your own OM is the only think that could make him do a double take.

I agree with what other posters say about let him feel like what its like to do his own laundry etc.

Also have you read the book This Isnt The Season You Think It Is by Laura Munson.

You wrote this at the beginning of this thread

""Matt165 that's the thing, how out of touch with reality do you have to be to think a divorce will make you feel good. Unless you're in an abusive relationship, a couple's struggles are something you at least attempt to work on and not just run away from. I didn't even get a warning shot about my H's feelings. It was just a sit down with him telling me all that is wrong with our relationship and all that he's missing and that he's out. No, lets work on this, let's try for the kids, nothing. Just done. In what other situation do you respond this way. Whether it be work or relationships with friends, you make attempts to fix things, to find a middle ground. But here, you destroy your family and it's okay. I really hate the MLC""

You are right, their actions make no sense. I truly believe that what comes around goes around and there is no way your H or his OW will find happiness without first falling to their knees.

HAve you ever checked out Alanon. Even if there is no Alcohol directly involved in your sitcH it is a great place to meet new friends.

Also you mention that you havent told a lot of friends and family about your witch yet cause that what it suggests in the DB book to keep the road home clear, which I totally get and I too waited months before telling people. In retrospect I regret that move, it really held me back and didnt draw my xH closer.

Check out Labugs thread for a recent success story.