Hi everyone, Vegged out last with the dog. Texted a bit with both my D's and my D19 is very excited about job interview today. She texted that it went "well" but this was her very first job interview EVER so she isn't sure. I gave her lots of positive feedback as I can sense she is down on herself now. I told her she is the "greatest person I know". That she has overcome much caca in her young life and has dug herself out of even her self made messes well and that I really mean it when I say how proud I am of her. She spent her years from about 13 to 16 with a mom who was clinically depressed and a dad who was so busy trying to take care of it all that I didn't have as much time nor energy that I should have for her. Of course she acted out and that was the biggest thing my W and I fought about our entire M.
L called today to ask about what my D14 wants to do about custody, if she would rather live with me or her mom. I told him that I need to speak with her as up until now I had just tried to do what my W had suggested thinking that she would be reasonable. I know Wonka that you don't think it is good that I get her into this sitch at all. The thing is, my W has told me she wants me to back "forcing" her to do what my W wants as when she was D14's age the "best memories I have of my dad was when he forced me to do things I didn't want to do". Well, I can say that, judging from the R she has with her father now, that didn't work out so well for her! The sheer detail in the decree about what my D14 can and can't do, from holidays and where she will spend them, to exact times that she be picked up and dropped off (not taking into account school activities, friends events, anything) is ridiculous. She is old enough to decide if she wants to vacation with me or her mom whenever that comes up. The decree says that I must tell my W exact dates for summer vacation by April 1st! From reading the decree you'd think my D was an infant or toddler! My W is so afraid that my D14 is going to be angry at her and she actually has good reason to feel that way. But that is her problem, she decided that her own wants and needs come before her d's. She needs to own that! She needs to understand that she hasn't acted like a mother for years now and no amount of rewriting of history can change that. I have thought about this and I actually think if she stays with her mother, the rigidness will backfire big time and be hurtful to her. Her sister went through such a dark time because of how her mother acted towards her, I need to do everything in my power to prevent this from happening with my D14. Don't get me wrong, I will allow her to see her mother whenever she wants. In fact if she wants to spend a holiday with her mom over me I will have no trouble with that. It's how my W wants to force her to bend to her will that I see as the problem.
I just got a call from my D14. Seems her and her mother and my W's step mother are at my HOME!They need to get D's birth certificate and let themselves into MY HOME!! I asked my D if they are taking anything but the BC and she said "Just some of mom's clothes..". My W has got to stop coming into my home and taking anything!Time to call my lawyer...again!
