Yes, I lashed out at him in total exasperation. I've been defending my decision to stand for the marriage and when he neglects the kids it makes me wonder why. I'm taking grief for it and suffering in my own right for a guy who doesn't even prioritize the kids?
Also I really miss him and my intact, imperfect home, and I really, honestly can not understand why it's broken right now. And I think too I let some expectations creep in.
But you are right about that. And I don't mind anyone standing up for him. I clearly have no perspective but I do feel like whatever drove him away is solvable. And I want to solve it, sooner than later. I want to see him take responsibility for his own well-being to the point that if we can't be together at least I can understand why. My needs and wants, I know, and my only defense is that I honestly care for his well-being.
He DOES know that he needs to contact the kids regularly and I have asked him to plan for it as much as possible, both so they know when to expect him and so that he doesn't miss talking to them or go several days without talking to them. He missed talking to them that night because he was processing pictures from their trip, so it ought to have occurred to him that they hadn't heard from them. There are other ways in which he's let them down this summer that are frustrating and disappointing, so I consider the phone calls kind of a minimal standard.
And it is accurate that my IC has been encouraging me to be a lot more direct with him.
He sent me a text last night after his apology that had a song link in it and said he didn't know why he sent it but consider it gallows humor and he wanted to share it with me. It's called "I Wanna Get Better" and the video shows all these people in a therapists office. He said "I don't want things to be awkward between us." I want to answer (on reflection my SIL is part right -- because of what the song is about). Here's what I'm thinking:
Thank you for the song. I'm not really sure what you're trying to communicate with it, especially since you asked me not to take it the wrong way. I'd love to know, though. I don't want things to be awkward either.
I'd like to add something about it's not reasonable for him to expect me to be warm and ok with being demoted to "just a friend" because I'm not, nor can I be without certain expectations being raised. But I don't know if it's possible to communicate that under the circumstances.
Would love some input.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
