OK, where do all these guys/gals who do this stuff finding all these broken people who actually are willing to have R's with them? I mean we all know how hard it is to live with someone having an MLC. How do they find college girls, kinky women, yoga instructors, etc. who actually WANT them in their lives? Can they really fake being THAT charming when they can't even seem to not drop their food wrappers on the floor when they're around the LBS? Are there really that many broken people in the world who are so desperate that they will debase themselves for someone who is already married a lot of the time, who can't think of anyone but themself and have so much baggage?
My God, what is this world becoming?
Hi Matt, how are you? I think Georgiabelle is right, & I wonder if it's also ego? Just getting attention from someone 'new' when the MLCer is 'wild & ready' for the great, big, wonderful world out there! Whoa! What a life they expect away from us 'downer spouses'. Makes them feel young - they still have 'it' (whatever it is?!!) Attention from anyone giving them that much needed boost - & the boost givers using up their desperation fuel to fill their own needs. So sad.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
I'm glad to see that you didn't take the bait of getting into a heated discussion w/him. Sometimes we just have to put it out there in a very nice and civil manner to get the answers we need.
The further I am away from this, the more I have seen it. The sooner you stop participating, the sooner that all stops. I mean, they don't, but it stops bothering you and dies on the vine.
They do seem to want to drag you into a fight. Not sure why, but it is what it is. The sooner you stop allowing that, the sooner it stops. Just so you know
In my case, it hasn't yet. But it's close. She's instead getting her H to pick up the fight and her daughter. But that will die down as well - just a matter of time and me not responding. It's the same for you; stop responding and you starve that fire.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Just rereading your post makes me literally laugh outloud.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Are there really that many broken people in the world who are so desperate that they will debase themselves for someone who is already married a lot of the time, who can't think of anyone but themself and have so much baggage?
Yes.
One of the things about a MLCr - they can be incredibly charming and manipulative to get what THEY want. Selfishness is a big part and they will stop at nothing to get what THEY want.
And yes, there are that many broken people that will gladly get into a relationship with a MLCr or a narcissistic person. Think about how somebody would get involved with a married person in the first place. There's already something wrong with them. Add to that the stress and pressure to live up to the former spouse (over time; at first they hear the lies and WANT to believe them). Add more stress to remain that person that "saves" them from the "evil" former spouse. Add to that the part where the former spouse is rarely (in these cases) the "evil" person they make them out to be. Add to that the stress of kids and, ick, responsibility. Add to that the stress for the MLCr to keep the illusion of what they said is the truth.
It's a tough row to hoe. But likely intoxicating for the unsuspecting or gullible person that is so broken they want to believe that and get mixed up in it.
One of the many advantages of the LBS is we know better after the initial shock wears off.
Personally, I wouldn't trade places with either the MLCr or the person who is aiding and abetting the fantasy world. That can be a long way to fall and the MLCr will take anybody and everybody near them with them when they do.
What you saw and see is just the tip of the iceberg in most cases. There's more.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
