So sorry Ats, Sounds like you have a cake eater on your hands. Doesn't tell you he got a L but follows you around looking for sex? I'm sorry to say the man your H has become is no longer the "love of your life", that man has checked out. Believe me I know how hard it is to really understand this. You want to think that no one can change this much this fast and somewhere in there is the man you M. It took me a long time to really get this. In fact so long I let my W get away with so many things that she shouldn't have.
In my case I found a L that would do the D for a flat fee instead of hourly. If you don't have a lot of assets like investments and such you may be able to find someone who will do it for a flat fee. My W didn't and she has already almost gone thru her total retainer (which was $500 more than the total amount my L charged me). This way you are protected from him filing doc. after doc. and running up the bill. Since he is making the money for now, that may be important for you. My W did the same type thing to me, telling me she would be able to make enough to pay the bills while I started a new company where it would take a few years to get back to making what I had been. Then a couple months later asked for D. If the kids are your #1 concern, get a L who believes in fighting for what's best for kids. My D14 custody is the most important thing to me while it's become clear that "stuff" is more important to my W. Just be sure you feel comfortable with the one you pick and feel he will listen to what you want. Some do what they think is best and it may not be what you do.
So, sorry that it's come to this. I am in the same boat and it still makes no sense to me that my W after 20 years and 2 kids refused to try anything to make the M work. Once she said she wanted a D, that was it for her and she stayed on that course. Just remember, this is a business transaction, nothing more. My W has also after 21 years now wanting to go back to her maiden name! She has convinced herself (like your H) that all she needs to do to be "happy" is throw away her old life completely. It may just be a piece of paper but I really don't think my W see's it that way. She see's it as the "answer" to all her pain, unhappiness, problems. We are the enemy now. Protect yourself and try and remember (although I KNOW it's hard) that he ISN'T the love of your life anymore. That man is gone forever. Whether or not he will ever come around and see you and the M really weren't to blame for his problems is something only time will tell. For now, you are best to think he is gone for good and to protect yourself and your kids.
