Finding my way - part 3

[LisaB]

Hey Meghan,
I just wanted to check in and give you my similar story with the moving out thing. My H started acting weird and distant for a few weeks, then we had the talk and he BD. He never said he wanted to break up, he just named a lot of problems in the M and said he wasn't enthusiastic to work on them. For 2-3 weeks I lived in the same house, slept in the same bed etc. He was often cold and moody, sometimes friendly and we even had S. But like you, trying to be cool and happy all the time in a small shared space was making me crazy! I couldn't sleep at night at all, I was out all the time just to stay away from him and hiding the pain I didn't want him to see.

The good part is if he is there he can see your GAL and 180s. Mine noticed but didn't care all that much, he still wanted to be done. But he never said it!

Finally I could not take it anymore and I gently said he should take some space. He agreed. He moved out the next day, found a temporary apartment and now a long-term one. He says it is 100% over.

However, the fact that I "forced" him to move out had nothing to do with anything. He says he was done before he gave the BD. Basically by telling him to move I just got him to go sooner, it would have happened. And I would have cracked under the pressure anyway.

The space was good for me. I could then openly be sad all the time at home, or do whatever I wanted. Home should be your safe place, not the place where you have to walk on eggshells.

So I say if he says he is done, then you should try to stay out of the same space for a while. I know some won't agree. And in many ways I wish my H was still living here with me so I could show him how great I am every day. But at what cost to my own sanity? And would it work?

If you read my threads I am still hopeful, though I did have an emotional outburst recently that set me back quite a bit. The living apart thing has been good for HIM to feel lonely and sad too.

You do have a complication with him being in a foreign country etc. But maybe you could calmly discuss options with him?

Good luck to you! I feel your pain.
Hugs, LisaB