Finding my way - part 3

[Meghan]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

Even with medication I didn't sleep well. I'm going to go over and use a friend's apartment for a awhile. I feel like I should work - there's a lot to do - but I don't know how well that will work today. I'd steeled myself for this, but knowing it in theory and having it actually happen are two entirely separate things.

Part of me holds out hope that he could go find himself and miss me and that this could all work out. But a big part of me is just shattered.

I'm not sure what my next move is. I don't want to push him towards leaving - which is what a lot of people think I should do - but living together in a 700 sq. foot one-bedroom like this feels really awful. He's here and he's close all the time.

I've had an offer to stay at a friend's place all next week while she's away. I'm considering taking her up on it. I don't want to seem like I'm running away, but the lack of space to be a bit separate here is really a problem.

I'm also not sure how to act. I'm going to keep getting out with friends and doing stuff because it gets me out of here, but I don't know how well I can pull off acting like I'm okay about this. I'm clearly not. I think he's making a huge mistake. I'm not sure how I should be behaving in light of all of that.