Hi 2B, I know exactly how you feel! Your S should be a source of comfort, not fear of what they will say or how they will react. What you are living is really just a roommate/co-parent type of R. HE controls if and when you do pretty much anything, even if you kiss or ML. Not only that he gets to do only what he wants to do, even gets to not wear his ring (to me the only reason not to wear the ring is to show the world you are available..period!) just in case some hottie comes along. All he does is work, my W started doing that as well and it was just a way to control. You can't really get angry about that, right? He's working to provide for you and kids, right? Well, he's also over-working as a means of control.
You may have guilt because of the way you were a WAS in the past but lets face it, this has been going on for more than a year now and he isn't getting consistently better. He is in control and he likes that. If you feel that he is fine with the situation like it is then he probably is. That means that there is no reason for him to change things. He gets to punish you for your past "sins' for how long 2B?
The anniversary coming up is a good time to see just how much he really has changed. If he does nothing or acts like you are just lucky that he even allows you to be in the same room with him, why would he care to give you a card? Then I would say you may be stuck in a sitch where you may either be there for the rest of your marriage or you get to a point where you no longer settle for the shadow of a marriage you have now. 2B, there comes a time when you have to see the truth. In my case I did all that you are now, was a very good H, gave space and support. I tried to ignore the bad and reward the good. All it did was delay and give my W time to plan ways to get more for her when she walked out the door. All I feel now is cheated and used and my W is, if anything, worse now that she has gotten what she wanted and is gone from our home.
Just don't lose sight of you having every right to be happy too, 2B. We can get so caught up in how our S's feel that we allow them to ruin our lives and in the end they just end up leaving anyway. You deserve a man that you can feel like is YOUR man, not some guy who you have to think before you even put your head on his shoulder. That's NOT a marriage, that's a guy who is trying to control. They can only do so if we let them.
