Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[25yearsmlc]

"but at the same time, be clear that this is a choice that I'm not ultimately happy with?"

She already knows that you're unhappy. In fact, she knows that you are going to be unhappy at anything that you can't control or is in your best interests, like the A's.

Hi MrBond. I just wanted to address this one point. I have indicated to her that I was in agreement with her that separation may be in the best interest for both parties (cooling off period, as we both called it). I've also indicated to her that I hope deep down inside that we could someday reconnect (as husband and wife), even if it's many years from now. I said that even if currently we can't make marriage work, there's no reason why we can't make friendship and co-parenting work.

THAT makes it sound as if you will wait for her for as long as it takes, and even if that is true, do NOT tell her that. That's b/c at some point, you want her to fear losing you. I doubt she will fear losing you for some time b/c you have not been a h who treated her well enough for her to miss you.

As that changes, so will her feelings, we hope. And if it is too late--the only way to KNOW that, is to give it a lot of time WITH good behavior on your end, as well. Then at least if she does not choose you , it won't be b/c she thinks you are reverting to your old ways; but b/c she has really moved on...at this point it sounds like you have a real chance of turning this around or she'd have filed for D by now.

Be careful not to add too many conditions to this sep or she'll say "no, this sep is just a prelude to a divorce, but I'm breakage to you gently."

She MAY think that's what the sep is, but YOU can show her, via your actions, that she'd be nuts to rush into divorce b/c she will SEE that you are changing...

Did I say too much here? Am I agreeing with her too much (with regard to dissolving our marriage)?

Thanks again for your feedback.

Yes You said too much BUT no, you are not agreeing with her too much. (There's a difference).

Do NOT argue as your alternative to speaking too much. Just STFU and LISTEN a lot more.

Get information about what YOU can do to win her back, i.e.. does she enjoy
massages or dining out? IF SO, buy her a massage (and learn how to give a good one)...and or take her out to the new restaurant in town. ASK her which she'd prefer doing some night soon.