Phoenix slowly rising

[T-boned]

Thank you, LiveNow. Yes, I was doing so well for a while there - thought I had it licked this time, but knew not to count on it too much. Too many times throughout this year I thought I had it, but knew to expect the drop from the top of the wave (coaster). Ya, I wear dark glasses too.

Saw my therapist today, and he told me point blank (said he was speaking as someone other than a therapist) that my H was a d_ck. Something my friends have been telling me but I thought they were just being supportive and attempting to make me feel better. My therapist used to counsel each of us separately and as a couple, so he knows us both very well. Referred H to a different therapist but kept seeing me. Said he couldn't support what my H had done to me so he felt he couldn't be objective with him. Also said that H is not fixing himself - he's just going to repeat the pattern again with the OW and may never figure it out. Made me feel better hearing it from my therapist. My STBX is a charmer, but also not very authentic. I just am one of the casualties.

Sorry about the mediation - I had to be dragged in to it too, but I made H pay for it all. Told him since he wanted this divorce, and I didn't, he has to pay for it. That it wasn't a mutual agreement but something forced upon me and I didn't appreciate someone making such a life changing (shattering) decision for me in which I had no say. Where do they get off? And then they want to be friends. How ridiculous is that?

Anyway, thank you again LiveNow for your support. It has been a long year, hasn't it? I will read your posts tomorrow night so I can get caught up with you. I need to go to bed. But you hang in there too, my friend. We will make it. (((())))