Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[HopeTex]

Interesting night. Got back home after 5 nights away for work. She seemed very cold and distant when I got home, but I stayed calm and happy playing with the kids, and at family dinner. Through the evening she seemed to warm up and pursue a bit, at least conversationally. When she initiated confiscations I would respond and validate.

I also stood up for myself a bit. Her dad's 70th birthday is this weekend so a bunch of her relatives are coming into town and staying at our house. We are trading weeks in the master bedroom and this is my week our of the master,. Typically I take the guest bedroom, so this weekend she wanted me to share it with one of her male cousins, so that she and her aunt could share our master bedroom.

Ali in all I am dreading this weekend, as I know that some if not all of the relatives know about H's stated desire to get a D. It just seems like it will be a very tense and non-fun weekend for me in general.

So I told her I needed to have some privacy during the several nights all her relatives are here, and that I would prefer to stay in the master bedroom. And that she was free to spend the nights in the bed with me if she wanted. Or she could take the sofa bed with her aunt, etc. she did a bit of huffing and puffing, saying I was being unreasonable and selfish, but I just stayed calm and said I needed some privacy during the week and that bunking with her cousin all week didn't really appeal to me. And I finished by saying calmly that if she preferred I'd be fine with getting a room at the nearby hotel so that she and her relatives had more space. She just looked frustrated and the conversation ended.

Of course it is impossible to know what is going on in W's mind. But one possibility is that maybe she hasn't told these relatives, and she was wanting to put on a front that everything is fine, and I am messing that up for her.

After the kids went down I went straight to my bed to read, she came by to tell me something pretty inconsequential, seemed like she was pursuing a bit but who knows.

Sometimes when she reaches out like that I feel hopeful, other times it irritates me because I imagine that she is just friend-zoning me, basically trying to maneuver us into the "we are divorced but really good friends" BS.

As always I worry that I am detaching too much and missing opportunities to connect and pursue, but overall I still believe strongly that calm, kind GAL-ing detachment is what is called for, for a good while longer. Like months probably. She needs me to take the pressure off, to demonstrate over a long period of time that I have come to grips with her D desires, and have decided to be healthy and happy regardless of what she does.

My 180's right now are being more present and fun with the kids, and also of course not pursuing her.

In the GAL category, I am taking opportunities to do short trips away from home that work provides. Trips that are fairly social and fun and keep me around a lot of people I know. I am not a huge fan of work travel but right now I feel these short trips away are really helping me stay sane and work on detachment. Headed out for a two-day trip tomorrow.

Also in GAL, about to pull the trigger on scuba lessons here in town. Really looking forward to it. Doing it for me, but I imagine she will be fairly surprised.

Had a down day yesterday, but really feeling calm and positive today. Still don't want a D, but feeling today very strongly that I can still be happy and a good father even if that happens. Hopefully will feel positive tomorrow too!