You are all right (thanks again Wonka as the voice of reason), Luckily, I stopped myself from texting my W while I was so angry. Since then I found out that my D19 asked her mom for some help buying clothes for her first real job interview. My D19 has had to move in with her boyfriend because since her mom now refuses to help, she doesn't have a way to go to a job and get to college classes (she is starting at Community College) if she lives with me or her mom. Her mother refused to help her saying that she can't "afford" to help her. My W makes $8,000 a month and can very well afford to help her. She is angry because her D19 doesn't think she is doing the right thing in getting the D and also told her mom how unfair she thought it was that she won't pay for private school for her sister. Her father also told my W that she shouldn't help her as she's "over 18 now" and of course she will listen to him. Never mind how badly he screwed her and her brother all their lives.
Wonka, I don't think my W is fit to have custody of my D14 half the time. As little as a few months ago, she told me that "some days I don't even want to live", needs AD's to function and will be working late almost every night leaving my D home alone (which she has been doing so far when she has had custody, those times that she just didn't leave her most of the time at her mothers). She has told me that when she is called to work out of town she will leave my D with "friends" from work. That's not right. The details of the custody on her decree makes it obvious she doesn't care at all about what's best for our D but what SHE wants. My W is running her life only on emotion, she lets how she feels from min to min decide what she is going to do. That's no way for a parent to be with a teenage girl. Before she left, she and my D only interacted by yelling at each other. How long until that starts up once again?
The next time I need to see my W is Sunday when I pick up my D. In the mean time I am going to look into this other school and the local (to me) school district. I now know that my W was trying to get as much from me before having to finalize as she could. As soon as she figured out I was no longer going to just let her have whatever she wanted, she went and did this. She has now shown herself for who she has become. She has just abandoned our older D. Made sure my younger D couldn't go to private school because she doesn't want to be bothered picking up and dropping off and has now reneged on everything we spoke about when coming to a D agreement. It's one thing to renege on things like she wasn't going to go to a lawyer or file and a week later does exactly that. That kind of thing she has a right to say she "changed her mind". When it's about a final D decree, when I let her have certain things, agreed to others, she doesn't have the right to change her mind (like she did about ever leaving me so I would get a vasectomy and 12 weeks later want a D and wouldn't even try and work things out) and think I will just ignore it and let her get her way once again.
I have been played by her for the last time. Yes, she's in crisis but she has made stupid, selfish move after stupid selfish move. To push her D19 into having to live with her boyfriend and not bat an eye because, as my D19 says, W would rather her live in sin than with me. To punish her for not being happy that mom will now be able to find her joy, is to much. To call me and pretend that she was going to discuss where our D should go to school when she had already put it as a demand in her decree was just scummy.
I am going to let myself relax a bit and really think this through before I make up my mind how to proceed. I do know I need to protect myself and decide what truly is best for my D14, not while angry and upset but after I'm sure it's because I'm doing what I think is best for her.
