I am sorry for the latest development in your sitch.
You say:
I now will have to talk to my D14 and see what she thinks.
No, you don't. You're running on emotion right now. Don't drag your daughters in this.
The focus is to hash out what you want from the dissolution. It is now a business transaction and you're going have to work closely with your L going forward.
And inform your L that she must communicate to W that she cannot talk with you or have any discussions with you about the D paperwork going forward. From here and on, it is all on the lawyer.
Also I would ask your lawyer to draw up an emergency addendum stating that no other marital assets be removed from the house without prior agreement. This means that W must submit her wish list to her L to be passed on to your L.
This is the time to talk with your L about what YOU want and expect. That includes W paying you spousal support, ensuring that D11 goes to the private school, having W pay the mortgage of the house until D11 is 18 and then the house can be put on sale. Also you can go after W's retirement accounts.
This is just a business transaction and act accordingly.
I am so so sorry to see you in pain right now. Go for a walk or find some other distraction to get you centered.
Goodness knows....you're gonna need all of your marbles for this negotiation with W's L.
