Hi I'm new, I hope I won't be a burden... prt 4

[MrBond]

"I want to change as a person and if that means gettin her back or loosing her so be it."

No you don't. You don't want to change. If you did you would have done what people have suggested to you. Are you willing to do EXACTLY what you are told? All I heard was excuses.

"I just dont want to make these mistakes again or hurt anyone like this again. I do want my marriage saved but more importantly i want to change myself."

Again, I don't think you want to change yourself.

"I want peace of mind. I want my mojo back, i want to be carefree and laid back but also determined and goal orientated."

I don't think being carefree and laid back is the problem. That's what got you here in the first place.

"I am usually a perfectionist and try to perfect everything and i need to know whats in my control and what i have to accept."

That has nothing to do with your M. You obviously didn't want a perfect M.

"When i accept i get feelings of negativity and i dont want that. I want to accept and feel good about or or neutral on things i dont agree on. I want to learn to accept."

You have to learn to understand another person's POV. That's different from acceptance. I have a feeling that you never read DB/DR. Be honest. You skimmed it didn't you? You don't want to do the work.

"I want to understand my wife."

Doesn't seem like it. You think she's a slut right now and that she owes you.

"And i want to apologies for my manner in which i stereotyped people that wore shorts."

This shows how laughable your "effort" has been. You keep doing things like this that shows that you don't really want to change.

Again, what do you plan to do to address your jealously issues. You are the one with the problem of your W having a male friend that is more mature than you. She doesn't "owe" you any apology.

What steps are you going to do to make these sweeping changes that you say you want to make?