Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[mindsin]

Who wrote it? Who has reviewed it, (meaning, did either of you retain a lawyer?)
Do you KNOW she has or has not?

We wrote it together. No lawyer involved.

She knows you are unhappy about it. You gain nothing by again showing that. To repeat, SHE KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL. NO sudden "PMA" will cause doubt in her that soon. [i]Plus, notice your focus again is on you and how YOU feel.

Being miserable is Not attractive, but being "serious" and "concerned" YET civil and cooperative, probably is more believable than pretending to be "Fine"...

Can you pull it off ?--===I mean, not thinking about yourself only AND acting concerned for all parties, (not just angry at her) or moping & wallowing in pity?

IF you cannot treat her civilly, OR IF You cannot resist the urge to say a nasty thing again about her or to her or about OM, then do NOT do this.

Delay it, or just don't do it.

And btw, I'm not clear on why you are formalizing this anyhow. If you can agree to things like temporary custody, why formalize it in writing? It'll make it easier to divorce later, btw, unless one of you changes their mind.

You're right, but she wants to formalize it, I think first and foremost to get legal protection from me (e.g. she thinks I'm a threat to her career -- e.g. exposing her affair at work). She also wants to have financial protection. She makes more money than I do. She wants to be protected in case I go haywire and decide to withdraw all the funds in our joint bank accounts.

I agreed, because if nothing else, it will establish some level of trust (I think).

LISTEN TO HER and then listen some more.

IF she says something that you don't understand fully, OR that you think you dislike, first ask her to "maybe explain that some more so [you] can make sure you understand what she's saying better".

Do not assume all the issues must be worked out in one session. Agree to disagree on some things and table them til later if you must.
WOuldn't it be great if you two actually did some conflict resolution together? What a 180 that would be.

What are the other 180s you'll have a chance to show her tonight? Focus on those and not on the worst case scenarios. You CAN delay this if there's too much to deal with in one night

OR if you don't want to sign it and need to sleep on it . NO biggie. Way better than fighting.

Do NOT get into an argument. Do NOT mention OM's name, even in "jest" b/c it won't get a single laugh and it will sound snarky of you. Show concern for HER wishes and HER need for space.

Show her that you are fairly confident that once she has gotten her space & met OMs, she'll know better, what you can offer AND that is, that marriage to you can be better/different than before -- because you are changing, you are becoming a man only a fool would leave.

You show that by showing change, and no more of the old you.

Make sense?

As it turned out, she did not have any further discussions with me about typing up the document except for in the late afternoon (before we went out for dinner together). She simply said, let's finish typing up that document when we get back. However, when we got back, we spent time as a family playing board games. We all had a good time. No further mention was made about the CS agreement. As it turns out, she started typing it up on her laptop late last night (I'm not sure if she finished it though).

Another interesting thing happened. After we turned in for bedtime, she came into the bedroom where I was laying down watching TV. She stood over me as I was lying down on the edge of the bed. She says, "I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed our family time this weekend". I extended my hand out (half way towards her), and she reached and held my hand. I looked her in the eyes and said "me too" (in a very upbeat tone). We exchanged smiles and she left the room.