"Was never in love" part deux

[Mat]

Hi Mat,
It sounds to me like your W wants you to open up and be more emotional with her, but good emotions. It's confusing because she is pushing you away at the same time. So telling her how much you love her is clingy. That is a difficult place.

Yep - hit that one on the head! She was actually trying to get me to be mad at her I feel. I am not sure that in her mind, this would help anything. I think she is pretty steadfast that she wants out. Frustrating because I don't think she's reflected much. Going back to OM is just the same old pattern that led us to this position; do what's comfortable, easy, immediately gratifying, without putting in any work. We both realise it. And I at least intend to do something to grow out of it. I made that point, must have come across as moralising.

Maybe next time you meet or speak you can somehow express to her how much you cared for her and be a bit emotional without talking about the current situation? Something like "I'm regretful that in the past I did not express to you ..." instead of "I love you soooo much!" But maybe I am off the mark. Just a thought.

I think you are right, but I did say that (didn't mention in my long tirade yesterday). Her comeback is that it's not about me, it's about us and how neither of us is sufficiently in touch with our emotions to properly come together. Frustrating, because it seems her only regret is that she made me sad by leaving me. It's like she either dismisses my points, or just makes excuses.

Do you know what this OM is giving her that she didn't get from you? Is he very emotional and open with his feelings?

Well, as much as I am closed off, this guy is sirupy as anyone you'd meet, from the sound of it. He's the whole bottle of aunt jemima. Confession time. I couldn't help a snarky remark. I simply said that I didn't rate that guy much, talking to her about Jesus and singing songs while he knows he's breaking a marriage. I won't say it ever again. The nicest guy, the darker the secret sometimes. He's a sinister btard in my book. There. No need to bring that up again.

Thanks a lot Lisa. You ask good questions! I was missing some detail even though I wrote War and Peace.

It may come across from my responses that I am delusional. Feel feel to 2x4 me in the face if that's the case!

Mat