Lisa,
I'm no expert by any stretch. I've got buckets of my own issues and make mistakes like 3 times per day.

That said, I think you need to be kind to yourself. I think your situation is not as drastic as you see it. I think there is some hope...your H has reached out. His eyes are open. He's interested, but it seems like he's confused. I'd say instead of continuing to chase the R, just go be awesome.

Stay dim/dark w/ him and do the things that make you happy and show him the woman he fell in love with.

If you've read the 5LL, do you know what his primary love language is? If so, maybe during your limited interactions with him you can subtly try to show him love in those ways. Don't be overt about it, and have no expectations, but leave your interactions with him having put a little more love in his tank.

Hang in there and be patient. I haven't walked far on this journey yet myself, but there are many here that have...trust their guidance and listen to their wisdom.

Be as honest with yourself as you can on here. The more accurate the information you give, the better the vets can help you.

Stay strong!

Me: 34 W:33
T: 10 M: 6
S: 6 D: 5
BD: 5/14
Still together(ish)
Not giving up: 7/14
D talk has slowed, a lot.
Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms.
Slow and Steady wins the race.