Thanks for the replies. Tough weekend Dog. Thanks for the analogy Maybel, I like that a lot.
Saw the children today. Made one slip and told my W she looked nice today. That goes against not only being detached and treating her like a friendly neighbor, but it goes against my 180 of being respectful (not focusing on appearance was part of that). Still, she said the same to me a few weeks ago and the tone was casual, I don't know 'damage' was done.
Otherwise just a typical visit. Not much else to do or say. I'm continuing to respect her boundaries and giving her space and time. I'm GAL (doing well at this) and growing towards detachment (but still find my mind drifts to her every car ride, when I'm on my own). Still reading and reflecting (like now) but trying not to overdo it based on what my therapist told me. DEFINITELY thinking a lot about the pain I caused, how she might feel, and reading a lot of the posts by those in her situation.
Before I wish you all a good night just wanted to share something on my mind. It's not deep or anything, just that I noticed I have different levels of operation. This is a rough draft and far from perfect, but it was in my journal so I am sharing. The point is I have to decide which do I let control my actions, my beliefs, my thinking, etc. I am really making a point to operate from the 'deepest level'. That level tells me that I love her with my very soul and I want her to have the time to grow stronger and for me to do the same. And while I hope and yearn for reconciliation, the deepest part of me accepts this reality and forgives both of us for being just human. Goodnight!
