My understanding of MDU's sitch is that her husband has withdrawn from the reconnecting that was going on, but that she doesn't have any firm information as to why, if the A with the OW is definitely rekindled or if he's thinking things through/balancing his options owing to the new situation.
Also that the change to the situation was only a couple of weeks ago.
Also that at no point while they were reconnecting was he moving at the pace that MDU wanted.
Also that the entire scenario has been in play for a relatively short period of time.
And she's talking about throwing in the towel and filing for divorce now based on a stack of unknowns.
I'm not arguing against having contingency plans. I'm DEFINITELY not accusing MDU of being overly emotional or irrational. I'm just confused as to the urgency.
MDU, I'm sorry if this is a hijack. I've been relying heavily on the advice you receive for my own situation and I want to make sure I'm understanding it clearly because I feel like every time I weigh in that Starsky shoots me down. If I'm wrong, I'd REALLY like to know why.
Thanks.
Yes, you have it correctly, Maybell. I would -- and do -- advise ANYONE whose marriage is at the point hers is to have wise, basic financial and legal contingency plans in place. I think all the more so in mdu's case since she has shared with us that the ABSENCE of those adds to her already off-the-charts anxiety levels.
It's like seeing an atty. It doesn't mean you're pushing for divorce; it just means you're gathering knowledge, and getting your ducks in a row, just in case.
Catching up here. You really need to figure out a way to stop those self-defeating thoughts.
It seems that H received your GM text pretty good and apparently isn't ready for a lunch date with you. 'K...not the end of the world. Maybe try to bake something different for H...another one of his favorite foods? Hey...you can cook your way into H's stomach and heart!
Recently saw this gem in Raine's thread and thought to post it here for you, MDU.
Originally Posted By: Raine
So when we were S and he was spending time with OW, all it did was make him miss me, because they couldn't fill all the holes. They weren't smart. They weren't confident. He liked being the white knight and solving their problems and feeling needed and wiser--but it got exhausting. He would see me and how confident and happy I was, and it just made me all the more attractive to him.
Went away camping with the kids and a friend and her kids for the weekend. It was so great, was able to completely get away from things for a bit. With no cell reception I couldn't even wonder if H had texted and was really able to detach.
Bummed that it's back to reality now, wondering how to keep the positive momentum going. Maybe flush my cell down the toilet?
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
So the kids just told me that they asked H when he was coming home the last time they say him and he replied: "I don't know, maybe never." Another total 180 from where we were just a few weeks ago. This is the first time he has said something so extreme to the kids. Previously it was "we're talking" or "we're spending some time together"
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Thx Claire. I really want to call him and say something to him about it. I think it was a bit extreme for him to say to them without alerting me, especially since it's a change in the messages we've been giving them up to this point. But this is a bad idea, right?
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Yep, bad idea. I hope I'm not speaking out of place here but I feel you seem to forget that he has feelings too. Unless I've read your situation incorrectly, he backed off because you laid out the transparency plan, he opened up to you about OW moving to his office and instead of discussing it in a constructive manner, you jumped on him. Since that happened, he's kept his distance and you appear to wonder why while mind reading like crazy.
Give the poor guy a break and look after yourself too. Get back on that PMA horse.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
I am glad you enjoyed some quality time with the kiddos.
Originally Posted By: mdu
So the kids just told me that they asked H when he was coming home the last time they say him and he replied: "I don't know, maybe never." Another total 180 from where we were just a few weeks ago. This is the first time he has said something so extreme to the kids. Previously it was "we're talking" or "we're spending some time together"
This is what H is feeling at this moment. As you know, our feelings change daily, weekly, monthly....as passing clouds. It isn't set in stone at all. No worries.
Absolutely NOT! Don't talk with H about this. I can pretty much guarantee that if you attempt to do this, you'll have a VERY hard time in controlling your temper. Not good. STFU and get back to your awesome self!
