So I was wrong, he came home at 4:30am and not 1 or 2am, to a locked bedroom door. After knocking and calling my cell, he jimmied the lock open and came in saying he wanted his phone charger but of course changed and got in bed. I couldn't physically stand to be near him. Against DB rules I said to him this isn't a motel, pit stop or bath house for him to keep his things and come and go as he pleases... not a place for him to just pop into to freshen up for OW. He of course responded that he wasn't with her and that I'm crazy. I laid in bed for a bit and couldnt take being in such close proximity to him so I went downstairs to the family room. Minutes later he followed asking me to go back to our bedroom and that he'll just sleep in the guest room. I told him just to leave me be, that I didn't want to be around him right now. He then tells me he wasn't with "her", that he was at his office and fell asleep on the couch there. I told him that I don't and can't believe a word he says to which he responded that he knew, and that's why we can't fix things (projecting once again). Then he tells me, "you know, I'm going to be going out, I can't just sit in the basement" as if he's been exiled to there. I just responded that it is not normal for a person to come home at 4:30am on a Tuesday night. He didn't say anything and finally left me alone.
Is it normal for an MLCer to blatantly deny the A. When I read everyone's sitch I see the MLCer deny initially but eventually they stop spinning and just admit their love for OW. My H was admitting more 2 months ago than he is now. This limbo land is really driving me batty. Stop disrespecting me and the kids and go experience this life you want and need. I really wish I could push him out the door with bags packed.
Those who's MLCer was having an A and still living at home, how did you deal? What boundaries did you set and how did you get through each day?
Sarah, my heart breaks for you while I am reading this. I hate that- living with and dealing with the confusion, lies, mistrust... all the emotion and not knowing how to respond. I think you handled it very well. I am glad you stood up for yourself. I do not think it goes against dbing, because you were setting boundaries. And, you were hurt. I understand. Sometimes I wonder if we should always hide all of our hurt. There is a line- you are his wife, no matter what your situation is right now. He is crossing that line, and you let him know that you have expectations as his wife. You did not argue or go crazy. I think when we react with our emotions taking the lead is when it gets pointless (the way mlcers act!). You were clear and to the point.
You asked if they deny the a. Well in my case- FOR SURE! He did everything he could and took advantage of my trust. He knew exactly how to manipulate me to believe him. He continued this even after he moved out. In fact, he bought a house with her when he found out she was pregnant (and not until 4 months preg). This is the only reason he did tell me. He avoided it until he couldn't any longer. To make matters worse, my s17 found out a few weeks before me. It was terrible for him. He continuously told h to tell me, and h still put it off. My poor s. He had to live these lies and secrets... So yes, he denied and hid, lied and cheated. Even when there was evidence, he'd explain it away. He would even come back a few days later with come made up story. I don't know why they hide it if they are "done" but some do.
Hang in there. Stay strong. You are making good choices. You can do this.
