WAH & MLC? - EA/PA - Please Help

[Sam3]

Guys- Thanks for stopping by.
Pilot- I see some similarities in our stitches. So I'm also interested to see how yours progresses.

Zeus- I really appreciate your perspective. I remember reading your story when you first posted. Here's the thing- from my point of view: we weren't in a sex starved marriage. He did complain that he always had to initiate. But in my defense, I have 3 kids 5 & under. My H works out of town all week.
We always had sex at least once on the 3 nights he is home, usually twice.
Now, I will admit things changed some towards the end of my pregnancy with baby 3. And then there is a 6 week wait after having the baby. Plus, I had a critically, unexpected sick baby.
I'm not trying to minimize his physical needs. But I guess I just don't understand how sex needs to be above taking care of our children & getting stuff done while I was at the hospital with a sick baby.
He started his unhappy talk when baby was 10 weeks old. Pretty poor timing in my eyes.
Before kids and even during this last pregnancy. We always had an active sex life.
Before he worked out of town - it was still at least 3x per week.
Remember this is also the man that told me 3 weeks ago- "what happened to your boobs? You're going to have to get those fixed."

How can I be married to someone so shallow?

And since this has happened, I started putting things together & I hear about other strip club stories, I'm seeing them when I looked back on credit card statements.
It just makes me feel like I've been so deceived. I think this has gone on periodically throughout our whole marriage. And because I don't really like the thoughts of my husband hanging in strip clubs for no reason - I guess he lied to me .

I'm admitting & acknowledging to my part in the breakdown of the marriage. And the other problems that we had. I know that he had emotional needs & I physical needs that I wasn't meeting. I don't have a problem reaching further out to him about the sexual relationship. And I think what you said that you wished your wife had said to you. I can do that. I can change that. That's not a problem for me. It's hard to demonstrate or even have that talk b/c I don't know status of Ow.

I do have a problem if he wants to continue to frequent strip clubs. I don't know if I can stay married to that person.

This whole experience has changed me. I will be a better person because of this. I will be a better wife. Either to him or someone else.

I wish life lessons weren't so hard.

I am also beginning to feel that he views me as an object.

I appreciate that he continues to provide financially & I'm also thanking him & telling him how much I appreciate it. 180 for me. I always just expected him to provide & did not express gratitude. So I have been telling him Thanks frequently.

My thoughts today are that Love is patient & Love is kind.
I don't know how I could be more patient or kind in this situation.

I want to work on my marriage. But I will not live in an open marriage, while someone is having an ongoing affair. I feel like need more boundaries.

The fact that our communication is so limited actually has really helped step back, detach & concentrate on me.

I'm not even sure the physical relationship is the biggest problem in our situation.

I'm just confused.