I am very happy for you. Could you check out my new link and see if you can give me some insight. i am having a horrible time these past couple of days and I guess its all my fault.
it all started last friday not last night but a week ago. She calls me at 9 Pm and said she was going out with her party friend and wanted to know if I thought it was ok to leave S7 alone while she went. needless to say i guess i overreacted and from there things have gotten progressively worse as you can see by my sitch. i appreciate any feedback.
i am very happy and very proud of you. Keep it up and remember to put yourself in his shoes on the back ok. You are doind so much better now.
Hi, Looks like I'm going to have to start a new thread soon!
I was doing some reading of people's posts. Sage, I continue to feel like we think a lot alike. I can totally relate to the things going well, yet still having that scared, empty, sad feeling.
Quote: I dunno, I dunno...I keep having this running thought...that all of this crap is somehow about me wanting to feel as though I am WORTH fighting for. That somehow I want to hear that he wants me and our m. so much NOW that he's willing to step outside of his "zone" and give me WORDS. It's like I'm forcing him thru some meat grinder of "prove to me that I'm worth the fight".
This is sooooo me!! I love the meat grinder analogy. It's humorous, yet not, b/c I know I do it to H and he knows it too! I keep having thoughts of how and why h doesn't love or care about me. Even though he is making huge strides, I still look for what's missing.
I know it is stupid of me...I feel so guilty sometimes for not being more grateful for him and who he is. I feel like I am constantly finding fault and that whatever he does is never enough. Yes, I know he feels it too.
I wish I could accept things for how they are and love him unconditionally. I hold onto what feels like control of my emotions, but is totally LACKING in control!!! Yes, he's saying ILY occassionally now, but I want to hear it ALL of the time. And I think, yeah, I've made mistakes, but I deserve to be loved. But, ironically, I DON'T believe that I deserve to be loved.
Even though I am doing a lot of stuff for myself, I still feel like I am looking to him for my self-esteem.
I have an appt. w/a SBT on Thursday!! She is relatively close to my work, so I can leave early, take long lunches, etc. I hope she can help!!!
