Finding my way - part 3

[Meghan]

Journaling: I managed a few days of feeling relatively okay, but H. comes back tomorrow and I fell apart a bit this afternoon. I'm still angry and frustrated, but also sad and upset. Despite all of the things that have happened, I miss my husband and want to save my marriage. Thinking of the good times and the idea that this could be over are both really hard.

I don't know what will happen when he gets back. After three weeks of almost no contact, I don't know what to say to him. I don't even know if I want to be here when he gets in or not. It feels like I'm going back to feeling like every decision is make or break, which is really not a good place for me to be. Hopefully being aware of it will help keep me from going there.