DBing after WAW then reactive EA by me...NO QUIT!

[Joe1981]

Well, as stupid as I was all this week and yesterday in preparation for W's b-day, I'm making an effort to start things on the right path today. I just called the hotel they're staying at and ordered a room service b-day brownie sent to the room tonight with some balloons. It's not perfect, but it is a start, and it shows effort. She'll probably call me an idiot for it and continue to berate me, but she will at least notice. Tomorrow I'm thinking either a single rose or a small bouquet of tulips and a heartfelt note apologizing for her when she gets home.

I think my plan will be to give her a gift every day of her 32nd year, since I blew her 32nd birthday. At least until she has moved out AND filed...at which point I have to go full LRT. Right now, I'm going to abandon LRT and focus on the 180s. My gifts won't all be huge and many of them will involve the kids making/finding/giving something to her since a big part of the issue is what I have taught the kids w/ my crappy actions.

I am resolving to stop the inaction. Action, even if it isn't perfect, beats inaction for me. I have to overcome the paralysis of worrying about if what I do is perfect and just bleeping do it.
I will do no other real pursuing, just trying to show her that I can give gifts and that I can be the man she wants me to be by teaching the kids that giving gifts to their mother is a fun thing to do. I will not be discouraged, even if she gets frustrated at it. I will just vary the size of the gift to fit the mood. If she's grumpy about getting gifts, the next few will be small and very cheap or free...if she's receptive, I'll work more in the direction of direct gifts.

That said, I'm going to need gift ideas, lots...I've just signed on for up to 365 consecutive days of giving some kind of gift...and I'm poor, so I will have to do this on a major budget. All (or almost all) have to be under $20, the vast majority under $10, and many under $5 to free. I probably need to average under $3/ day to fit this in budget-wise, that's still $90/month that I don't really have. Eek!!!

Called and left messages with the contact people for the soccer league I'm trying to join. I'll call again later tonight if I don't hear back.

Now time to go work out then get the power washer from my dad so I can spray down the house tonight. It's a start on washing the windows and finishing painting, so it has to happen.

I need a lot of support these days ladies and gents...she insists she's done, won' be around to have this happen at Christmas, and she "feels sorry for the kids that I'm their dad." The only wisp of hope I feel is that she IS so mad. If she was as done as she says, I think she would've just left this morning w/out flipping out at me again. I've got to reset her expectations and thinking of me. If I can hang on until Christmas that'll give me another chance at actually doing this whole gift thing right...and wouldn't it be cool if she was actually anticipating it instead of dreading my lame attempt.

I've taken some hard punches, but I haven't heard the bell yet. I may still be in this fight. Cue Rocky montage as I head off to go work out...