Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[25yearsmlc]

I stopped bringing up the A to my wife. I try to avoid any and all conversations about the OM/OMW, even though she tries to initiate the discussion at times. It's tempting though.


Really? Why is it tempting? Didn't you notice how each time you do that, it HURTS your cause? And more than that, it makes you look bad.

So next time you think about throwing out a snarky comment, remember that while you may "score" a point and hurt your w, you will do nothing FOR your m, except push her farther away from you...



Regarding the OMW, their situation is almost identical to mine. The OM disclosed to the OMW a month before my wife disclosed to me. My contacts with the OMW have been mostly one-sided (she does most of the talking). My main purpose was mainly for information gathering and to get a deeper look into their relationship and why it failed. The other (bigger) reason is to see what I can say to her to change her approach in an attempt to better her odds at getting her H back. For example, I know that she's been using extremely unhealthy tactics (e.g. showing up at her H's work with the two kids, asking to confront him and my wife). She uses her children against him, putting negative thoughts into their heads regarding the situation and regarding my wife. Children should never be used as weapons in marital conflicts of any type. They're off limits, IMO. Her children are 7 and 4.

Have you ever called your w a nasty name in front of the kids? Ever yell at her, in front of them? Ever?

To answer your other question -- no, I am not really a spiritual person. I don't align myself with any particular religion. You can call me an agnostic.

It's fine to be agnostic (of course) but I was going to suggest that at times when you feel overwhelmed with emotions, that you "turn it over to God" and let Him carry it for you when it gets too heavy. I found that thinking it, then saying it (like in the shower so the kids didn't think I was insane) and hearing myself say it, ALL helped it sink in. It calmed me down for the times I had to interact with h and was nervous.

Maybe you can say "turn it over to the universe" or just "drop the anger" on the curb and LATER ON, IF you want it back then go retrieve it.

But there are times you MUST set it down and not give the anger and mind reading anymore space in your head.

Everyone needs a break at times. So however you describe it, DO let go of the anger, for now. Until you settle some issues at least.