GG, the low self esteem MLC'er wasn't validated properly while growing up. Never felt good enough about themselves. So as a coping mechanism they pulled back and avoided social situations as much as they could... to avoid the pain of feeling like they didn't measure up to others. They were often shy and quiet in most of the social situations they couldn't avoid. My W didn't even like being in photo's at family events.
Growing up, my W had a bitter and abusive mom. In a letter she wrote to her Mom after her death, W asked: "Why did you have to be so mean?"
At school W always felt like an outcast. So she hated going to school, and hated coming back to the fighting at home. I met her at 16 so all of this was quite fresh!
As a result, her self confidence was always low. Like Matt did with his W, I always tried to build my W up. And like Matt, I always had limited success. She once told me that validation coming from me "was different" (as in not as good)... because as H I presumably HAD TO attempt to validate her... So anything good I said didn't hold as much weight as validation from others did.
Analyzing what's going on with our spouses offers us some explanation for their new behavior and why they are off searching for "The Meaning and Purpose of Life", but it's VERY important we don't get stuck there.
Because... We didn't break them and we can't fix "em!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
