1Wish, I can tell you are struggling, and I know that is hard.
Why do you want to be with her? What do you love about her? How long did you date before you got married?
Have you read anything about the normal cycle of healthy relationships? That early 'infatuation' period (you know, where you eat and breathe the other person, and they are perfect, and you dream about your perfect life together) DOES NOT LAST. Even in healthy relationships. Conflict is NORMAL and HEALTHY in any relationship. The difference is how you HANDLE the conflict. And you do not have skills to handle conflict well. The good news is that is something you can LEARN how to do.
Here's the thing that you need to dig deep and think about: In a marriage, both people have the right to be INDIVIDUALS with individual interests and activities. Your W does not exist only to make you happy, or to be exactly the person YOU want her to be. She gets to be her own person. How do you feel about that? How can you respond if she feels or wants to do something differently from you?
You are both so young-- still adolescents, and from the actions you've described, BOTH of you are still trying to figure out who you are-- which is a NORMAL part of adolescence, and can last until you are in your mid-20s, or more!
She makes some VERY valid points for a 21 year old girl. If she was MY daughter, and she felt that way, and her husband had treated her like you did, I would advise her to do exactly what she says she wants and needs to do-- figure out who she is.
The loving thing is probably to let her go for a while. And work on becoming the best person YOU can be. She may come back to you... and even if she doesn't, isn't it worth becoming someone who can be a loving partner in a healthy relationship next time?
