Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[BigMac]

Bashy,

The detaching is weird. I find that anger and frustration comes up from unexpected places. Especially when I look at my S8. He misses his mom so bad. He has seen her less times then you can count on two hands since Feb, and then since May hasn't seen her at all.

I'm sitting in the household that we built, our entire adult lives spent creating and raising a family, theoretically building something that will last the ages.

And yes, I am lonely, so lonely. I am doing the "right" thing and being a good dad. I am there for my S8. I have not abandoned him. He gets sooo sad when both of us are gone. And he is sooo happy when I am here.

Earlier in the separation the W had taken the kids away (her D16 that we both raised since she was 1 and our S8). It broke me further then I was already broken. D16 is so angry at me (I think she's been talking to her mom) she just wants to stay with the grandparents. And frankly, I don't have the energy to deal with the never ending D16 drama (she is sooo her mothers daughter).

So I am sitting her, without a support system (I don't even have day care....) Trying to be the best dad I can be for a lost and broken little boy (I fall into that category too). I am trying to take time for myself too. I figure when the kids get to Austin, and I can finally find a place things will be easier for me. The W and I can start splitting parenting responsibilities (vs me and the in laws who are a 250 mile round trip away).

So yes, I am in a dark place. My W is in R with another man. I am left alone to clean up the mess of our past life, and try to craft something of a sustainable future for me and the kids.

So yeah, I'm in a dark place. I'm a little scared. Hell, I'm a lot scared, and many times a lot alone. I'm still in a much better place mentally then I was a couple weeks ago, and in a much better place then I was a couple months ago. But I still find myself crying... I still find myself feeling.

I wish I hated her, I wish I didn't love her, I wish I couldn't find it within myself to forgive her. This would be so much easier.