Your h sounds like a fragile person going through the 'set up' for a MLC. One of my xh's triggers was the death of my mother, of whom he was fond, and also issues at work. Issues that at the time I thought were unfair, but now I wonder if he was not the 'nice guy' at work that he was with his family even in those days.
Like yours, mine was super nice, moral and great fun. I miss that person, but wouldn't have him in my life now if he were gold plated, with diamond teeth. But paradoxically I am tremendously sorry for him, as he continues with his wrecking ball attempts to derail my life.
