1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

OK, so I've decided not to talk about this with my sister. Nothing good can come of it. I just have to breathe deep and let it go. She is my sister. There's been enough negativity.

My therapist told me to take 2 weeks of not trying to do to much to 'improve myself'. He said just being might be the best improvement I can make. He says this because I have a hard time slowing my mind down and this can lead to trouble being in the moment and handling feelings.

I've been GAL. Doing things I enjoy, hanging out with buddies. But tonight I can't get my head around it. In general I'm doing better, but deep down I keep waiting for things to get back to normal. I just want to go home to my wife.

I think what's scary is that we are really out to sea now. We have been, but I can no longer see shore. What I mean is that there won't be any magical falling into each others arms and everything being ok again. It's just too far for that. If I ever see land again it won't be anytime soon. And though I can get by without her, and have been doing well- my spirit misses her spirit. My heart longs to talk to her heart.

Sorry, this wasn't a post for advice, or even sympathy. I'm just feeling very lonely right now. Just want you to know I appreciate all of you for your support.

OK- enough of that moping. I'm going to pray for my STBX and myself, be appreciate of what I've been given, and God willing have a great day visiting my children tomorrow. 180- needs of others and laid back. Good night!