B, I think my H biggest fear, comes from feelings of low self-worth, of not being good enough, and of being found out that he doesn't really have it all together.
He was criticized and berated as a child, by his stepdad. His own dad left when he was 5. His mom was not too plugged-in. His older brothers were also insecure, so there was a bully-ish environment of one-upmanship.
I think the sense of not being good enough drives all of their other fears. If they believe they aren't good enough, they fear someone will find out. The fear of being found out keeps them in a secretive, hiding, pretending pattern, or wearing masks. When MLC takes over, I believe they do fear losing us. They know they are doing things that hurt us, and I think they must fear they can't stop and don't know why. The confusion has to be scary.
But I think their biggest fear right now, is of the pain they are feeling so deeply. Why is it there, why won't it go away, how can I get rid of this feeling....The crazier my MLC H continues to act, the more it becomes clear to me. He must hurt so unbelievably bad to run so fast and so hard toward destruction. Anything to get away from it.
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
