2t2m No worries at all, we are all here for help and 25 has already shown me how far off I was when I thought I was on track.
I have both books on the way, seems I am having difficulty with the detaching/validation combination. Seems its a fine line to walk , GAL but still try to connect and get more information. Looking back on the marriage I took on the extra work because I felt she wanted the money, she always stressed about that regardless of where we were .. .turns out she wanted me there more, this is something I have talked to her about and have openly regretted. I know you have said this^^ before. But you also ENJOYED the work and admitted elsewhere that you in fact could get a better paying regular job and thus would have more free time for her. I just feel as if you are still defending your decision and then saying you regret it, but defending it, again.
When you make a mistake, admit it and don't bother defending yourself. The only time you can offer an explanation (not an excuse) is when she asks, but merely repeating that it was a mistake "BUT..."...the more you just sound as if you would do the same thing again with the same facts.
You are trying to show that it's NOT the case, right? So don't defend it so much. Admit the error, correct it, and move on.
I heard a therapist say once "A problem being handled, is no longer a problem." I like that.
The 180's I have made: I have opened up the weekends, I dropped the Saturdays when I commeted to our relationship (I did now know OM was still in the picture as she was not honest about that)... why is OM relevant to your choice to open up your weekends? You keep going back to HIM as a topic, but what's the point here? You made a needed change "but I did not know OM was..." Well so what?
The change was needed, right? So OM does not matter. OM is a symptom of problems in the marriage, not the cause of problems.
so with this new time I have been availible for us doing things as a family .. or I have done things with my son while she did her thing Good^^...
(I did make sure never to ask with who or where and got to a point it just didnt matter as I was working on me) also good ^^^
I have gone to church on a regular basis ... not one of her big issues with me, but one I actually pursued on my own, I have become increasingly more spiritual since losing my family. I'm happy you are finding comfort in your faith. It can be such a great tool to help us learn what truly matters.
I lost a good deal of weight ( however gained a few back recently so I need to get back on that) GOOD news! taking care of your health and your appearance are two visible ways to GAL and do some 180s that are consistently appealing. And healthy! (obviously.) It shows self restraint, and self respect and some discipline as well.
It's attractive, although I know you're doing this for YOUR health and appearance, and her finding it appealing is simply some gravy...
I have done alot better not getting angry, using a softer voice and talking calmly to her.
That is good to do. Any new behaviors that are positive? I mean it's great you are NOT doing the "losing temper" thing, or getting too angry AND using a softer voice.
Are there any 180s or things you can do or say that would be in HER love language or would fuel her "love tank"?
What are HER love languages? And yours?
I do suggest you read The Five Love Languages when you get a chance. It's not a hard dense book, it's an easy read but the information is a great reminder to me to accept and welcome the love my h shows me, even when it's not "wrapped" in the paper I would have chosen, if you get my meaning.
Do you get what I mean?
Anyhow, good luck!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
