Well, you all shouldn't get so excited. Downfall came again this weekend. Fortunately, a lot of really good talking came out of it. He understands a couple things better now. I feel somewhat angry b/c I feel like I have been saying the same things for a long time, why does he understand it now?? BUT, I know I should appreciate too that he DID hear it.
Turns out, his ideal number of sex per week is more than I thought!
We also talked about my fears and he said he is concerned b/c I am not 100% committed. (Holding back my emo's, acceptance, love, etc.) He is a very insightful guy and he was being supportive and understanding.
I still feel like I am blaming HIM for everything in my head though still, and I know that isn't right! He IS working on this M!
Concert was not great. I thought I liked this group better, the theatre is standing room only, H's back was killing him, and I was getting light-headed/overheated and queasy! We decided to leave early which was fine w/me and we went to a local bar to see a band.
I continue to assume the worst and get my feelings hurt. I don't even know why I bother writing here b/c I don't want to waste your time. You all are giving me great advice and support. I'm afraid of letting you down too.
I don't know about Retro. I have never brought it up...
I think that I should just start kissing and touching him and stuff rather than asking questions for it, etc. The thing is that sometimes I feel like he is feeling apathetic about it, and it hurts my feelings. He said the only times he doesn't want it is when his back hurts really bad, when he is super tired, and when we are not getting along.
I have bragged about my prowess, but I feel like I stifle it. He is expecting me to be more wild like I said I would be. I told him I feel very tentative about approaching him b/c of his non-verbal communication. We also talked about him feeling used and he said I made a comment that he didn't take right? I don't know-I guess I said that I could get f'ed anytime. So, he thought that if I am just f'ing him that it is not special. I assured him that that is not the case AT ALL, that it's always special to me. Sometimes I like to ML, sometimes just a quick F is fine, but I said, it's ALWAYS ML with him! So, he felt better about that. I'm glad. I certainly do not want him to think I am just using him.
He is going out of town for a couple days this week. So, I know I need to make tonight a good night!!
