Karen, have you ever looked into a retrouvaille weekend? I really think it would help with your problems in miscommunication with your dh! I used to (and am still working on trying not to) do many of the same things you did, over and over again -- especially the negative thinking.
On the whole sex thing -- what happens if you don't ask, you just start kissing his neck or touching him or taking off his clothes? Does he tell you "No, I don't feel like it?" or ??? As a wife who isn't all that wild about sex (I enjoy it, but could live without it most of the time), I sometimes ignored my dh's hints in the past, but if he just started taking my clothes off or kissing me, I usually went along. I'm trying to be better about initiating, but it's very difficult when your sex drive just isn't that strong.
When he goes out with his friends, is he calling them and suggesting going out, or do they call him? I used to think "Oh sure -- he never makes plans for us to do ANYTHING! I have to make all the plans!" which is actually true, BUT I used to get very resentful and annoyed when he'd go off with his friends and do things. Then, after he moved out, I realized that he often goes out with his friends only when they call him and THEY make the plans. So, it's not just me -- he's just kind of lazy about planning.
