What is "Living Life to the Fullest", Alex? #7

[Georgiabelle]

Wonka,

That's so interesting you say that. I know it doesn't matter, but looking back there were some events that were interesting. I think I got the necklace in summer of 2011.

June of 2011-h was fired. First job he had in over a year and was only there about 4 months. I started at one of those hip west coast start ups in April of 2011. Although it's a *sexy* company with a *glitzy* title for me, it is a freakinb nightmare. I work at home about 18 hours a day. I met great people but the job itself is a grind. Plus as the company continues to try to secure funding, there are daily threats of firings and grueling schedules to satisfy the investors. I stay ( because we need the income) and look for a new gig.

June 2012-h goes off his medication. He is unbearable. He was working on a contract and was irritable and grumpy beyond belief. I started a new job in May. At BD, h said he went off his medication to see if I loved him. In July 12, this was the vacation that h said traumatized him for life. (His words). He was still unmediated. Drank at least 12 beers each day of vacation (usually more) and was in just a horrible mood. This is the trip he pulled his pants down in front of his dad and brother and started talking with his private part. His dad and brother asked me if he was okay. I told h he really needed to go to the doctor. She prescribes new meds. Of course, I made the appt

Nov 12- h's cousin who was 2 years older died after an aggressive and rare cancer that had left him a paraplegic. He discovered photos of his wife having sex with other men in their bed a few months before his death. At his funeral, h became very upset as his cousin had 2 kids close in age to ours. H commented that there weren't many photos of him with our kids so if something happened to him what would we show at the funeral? It wasn't said seriously although I do think he thought of that as he brought it up several times later. His contracted ended 1st of Nov.

May13- my dad died unexpectedly after minor surgery. My h was devastated which I didn't quite understand at the time. I thought he just felt bad for me and the kids as I was very close to my dad and he was insane about my kids. A friend of mine had to put her 14 yr old dog down. I sent her a gift. H loves animals too but I remember thinking the look on his face is odd. He looks so bewildered and says. "Sometimes I think you love animals more than me." I don't think much of this. Shame on me.

July 13- h starts some new contract work and I notice on their site there is no mention of his family. It's a quirky site and this is very unlike h as he always promoted my blog, spoke glowingly of me and the kids. His meet up profile just says father of 3. He set this up late July/early Aug of 2012. He always said I was the pb to his jelly so this is * odd*. H spoke about me, posted photos of me and was always very proud of me.

October13- h gets first *job* since beginning of Nov 12. The only people at the company over the age of 27 are the CEO, CFO, and h. He really begins to act different at this point and it only escalates. He is extremely snippy and for the first time in 12 years, says something critical of my appearance. He tells s4 that the last c-section ruined your mommy's stomach. I start kickboxing and said I feel stronger. He looks at me and his face is completely emotionless and says " you think you see results?" It wasn't spiteful, just do unlike him. I mentioned his look to a friend.

Beginning of Dec. h says they are going to hire him on. I notice he is in his phone all the time. He blares 90s angst music in the shower in the am before work. And then 5 days after my BD in Dec, I'm folding laundry as his mom helps the kids. "Are you happy? I'm not happy " followed by BAM. Caca hits the fan. His life changed when we had kids. He just wanted me to take s11 when he was a baby from him when I got home from work. I couldn't believe some of these things he was saying. The way he felt about me had *changed*. I didn't even comprehend that. How did that happen ? He thought I was the *one* and he realized that wasn't true. What? What happened? At BD, he said he didn't want our m to work. I didn't and did not want to understand that. I know. I was wrong. I insisted (bad GB) we see 2 MCs where both said we had rather normal marital issues and they both felt we could get reconnected. H told both of them. "I'm pretty sure I don't want ghis to work". Ouch. The looks on their faces was interesting.

Again, I do realize it makes no difference. However, I do recall Job and reading your story, Wonka, that there were little signs before. When I look back, I did have a few " mmmmm" moments- I just did not know * this* happened. And now I do. I get it and I wouldn't believe it had I not experienced it myself. I'm embarrassed to admit when I came here I thought you all were *wrong*. I mean, I was different. You didn't know my h. He spoke horribly of people who cheated, aired their poop on social media and bad dads were literally flamed. Nope. Could not happen to me. I would prove you all wrong. How wrong was I. !

That was a novel right? Still, as painful as this is and as shocking as parts are, I know this was supposed to happen. The full reasons as to why are still unfolding. I know those answers will come.

XO!