Have I any hope.... (Part 3)

[25yearsmlc]

Bashy,

GOOD LUCK! And if you can, watch the 2 TED TALK videos before you go. One is by Amy Cuddy called "Fake it til you Become it" and the other is "Positive Psychology" by Shawn Achor. Both are about 20 minutes and they each entertain with their points. But they have great DATA that shows how the way we think and what we DO, physically even, plays a role in how we feel and act and perform. It's amazingly helpful.

Since I "faked it" and then BECAME it while in Palm Springs, I'm a believer. It didn't change things immediately but it sure was a pivotal moment for ME and a definite positive (surprise) for h.

But like we all say, it was for the kids. THEY had fun and there were NO fights.

Vow that not one negative word will come from your lips and keep to it. How long a trip is this, one or two days? YOU CAN DO THIS.

And OM is not "in the background".

("What OM?" )

Believe in your gut that you are the better catch, that she is losing the man who would love her like no one else will, ever, and that belief will show.

(If need be, CHANGE so you do believe this^^^ b/c maybe there are things you need to change in order to actually become the man who'd love her best)


but the point is, and the TED Talks support this, what we believe, SHOWS.

And it does. When I came to believe that h was going to lose more than me with a D, I felt sorry for him most of the time. I'd shake my head (inwardly) and wonder how he was ever going to deal with all the fall out of HIS choices....

and I came to believe I really truly was going to be alright, better than alright, with or without h. Once that belief took hold, it showed. And in time, that is probably what got h to start doubting his choices. After all, if I were the big loser in this, why was I so confident going forward?

(B/C the LBS has no choice but to make the best of the cards dealt, whereas the WAS often has to second guess THEIR choices;

like every time OP does something stupid or careless or mean that the LBS would not have done, the WAS will feel doubt.

When a song that's special to the first M plays, the WAS will think of the LBS. Every time the child(ten) don't get along well with the OP,
the WAS will have doubt and usually it won't paint the new OP in a good light.

Every time the WAS and OP fight, the WAS will wonder if they;d have had the same conflict with their ex....

Even when things are good, the WAS will sometimes wonder if maybe they had stayed m to their LBS, if they could have improved things with effort and time...for they will discover that ALL R's take work, and if they'd worked in their FIRST M, what might have been?

the WAS will always have to look over their shoulder and wonder what might have been, and over time as they see the changes the LBS made AND KEPT UP,

they'll have to tell themselves that "would not have happened if I had stayed" but they will inwardly wonder, "Dang, maybe it would have happened for US and maybe WE could have worked it out b/c LBS sure is doing fine NOW..."

unlike the LBS -- who is forced to make the best of things, and usually do just that, and ends up in a pretty darn good place, the WAS does not.

In situations wherein the LBS really does make the changes THEY wanted to make and becomes a spouse only a fool would leave, THEN the WAS will always be haunted...

I would not trade places with a WAS for anything. Good luck.