Well I am not having a very good day. H is clearly upset about his job stuff- they are excluding him from a lot of things and even though he's leaving them soon, it's really hitting his self esteem. He's very moody, and mainly underlying anger. I can deal with all of that- except even though he's trying to help me with me having been sick this week, he's picking on me and makes " biting" comments here and there. He hadn't seen an expansion at my work that we opened in Jan, when he did he said how the competition should open something up. I said her are you trying to put me out of business? Then he said " like there's any chance if that happening". Then he made a sideways comment about how I'm too soft on S16 at the same time that he was letting our daughter out of doing something I had asked her to do. I had left it alone but once he made the comment to me I said really- you want to go there? What just happened with d12? Then as he was leaving he said his phone wasn't working. I said ok if I have heart symptoms again I'll have s19 take me in. My daughter said- did you really think you were having a heart attack? I said yes- then he said no her heart just needed some attention. I ended up starting to cry and he rubbed my leg saying he was just teasing and left. He called later to apologize which was nice- I told him thank you. Then today his brother came over with SIL and baby to visit. He had asked yesterday if it was ok. He got to the house after that did and as soon as he walked in starts giving S7 crap for being on computer, starts cleaning up the kitchen in a big flurry and then finally sits down. It reminds me of how he was early in MLC though it's clearly not to that level and he does have some insight. Back then one of his big issues was telling me I was a bad mom and not involved enough and I wasn't doing things to help in house as much because I was working so much. ( never mind there were times he traveled for a year straight and I had 4 kids and medical training to handle). I guess I didn't process all of that hurt fully and while I have forgiven him for it all as I know he didn't mean to be that way, I'm very sensitive right now and I find myself feeling horrible and crying. I don't even want to be around him when he's like this and I'm not sure what to do. He came to check on me a little while ago and saw me crying, asked what was wrong and I said it's not a short conversation - I'm ok right now. He's going to keep pestering me and if I tell him he will run b/c he's hurting me and he can't handle it but if I don't say anything than he will keep badgering me until I do. I also feel I need to set a boundary on him" picking" on me and the kids but I'm not sure how to do that either. Ugggh I don't know why I'm taking all this so personally it [censored]!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
