Let's dissect W's letter to get some insight into her thought process and POV. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hey,
I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Nice of her to acknowledge your BD. I know you have been a rough time these past few months, just as I have. I hope you will be celebrating with friends or classmates. I’m heading up to Sacramento to celebrate with my dad - he turns 75 today.
I was telling myself I had let go of the things that happened with us, but surprisingly I’ve just been getting more angry about it lately. She's processing her emotions, reflecting on some of the good and not so good memories. She's angry because she feels that her faith was seriously misplaced and angry for being too trusting with you. This is very telling!I guess I hadn’t had the time to really process it yet, given how busy I’ve been with work and school. I was in a really good place in my life when I met you... I had done so much work on myself and was ready to meet my life partner. Wow. She was ready for a life with a worthy man that included marriage and kids. But here I am, two years later, trying to repair and rebuild. So many steps backward. Her dreams and hopes were horribly dashed by your A's with the OW and insulting her by characterizing your sex life as lackluster. How can she get over this hurdle by feeling less than a woman???! A bummer of a place to be in, to say the least.
I’m not even really sure what to say at this point, except that I do recognize that you have probably been going through a very rough time yourself and I don’t believe you ever intended to hurt me. She is showing a true grace here by aknowleding that you're probably hurt too.I hope your work with Greg has helped you understand how your actions affect those around you, the people who are loving you and trusting you. This caught my eye. What did she mean by those around you. How many people have you hurt?? Is there something that you are not telling us here? I realized a while back that I couldn’t make you understand how you hurt me -- I can only hope you are able to come to that realization yourself, and will remember it before making decisions to be deceitful in the future. She's not feeling that you get her pain..this is where I feel you lack sincere empathy here based on what you've posted. Empathy! She's giving you a clue not to do any cheating EVER AGAIN. And I do hope you do take this to heart. Not only for her but FOR YOURSELF. You ever get married to a woman, you will need to learn how to be monogamous in a healthy way.
I also hope that your therapy work is helping you to resolve the things that have plagued you emotionally for much of your life. Much of your life...what is she alluding to here? I get the sense that it is just more than the OW. Are there other issues beside being love avoidant? There's a great book on that topic. Google it. I still believe you have a good heart and I hope you are able to overcome those issues and coping behaviors that prevent you from loving yourself. She's nailed it pretty good here. If you truly love and respect yourself, then it all emanates outward to friends and family.You have a lot to offer the world and if you can find a way to let love in, I’m sure you can achieve anything you want in life. Whoa! She's giving you a peek in her perspective of what her ideal H would be. If you can figure a way to be emotionally, physically, and sexually intimate in a healthy way...she's all for it. File this away, DB.
I hope school and work are going well for you. May the coming year bring you peace and happiness." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do see a lot of positives here and do feel that you two can reconcile if you CAN show her genuine and sincere empathy for her pain. Coupled with your work on intimacy issues....then there's a possibility for a reconciliation.
The one thing that mostly concerns me is that this woman is the third person you'be been engaged to since the last time you dropped out of this DB site. This says a lot right there about you, your view of women, and how you interact with a woman who potentially could be your wife.
