Thanks, ya'll. I am just going to have to learn to be more patient and not to give in to my impulses.
I failed again yesterday at DB'ing. H called to discuss our plans for the weekend, and once again I took the conversation off-track. At one point, he told me that he just needed to "see the writing on the wall" and accept that it's never going to be different. That's the kind of thing that would have sent me down a tunnel of despair a few months ago, but I just let him say it and told him that I still have hope that things can be different. (I suppose that was a 180, at least.) He reiterated that he doesn't want to be done. I told him that if he wants space but doesn't want to be done that he should "lean in" and the space will follow naturally. Then he got mad because he said that he tried that before and it didn't work. I ended the conversation because it clearly wasn't going well. I asked him to call me back in a few hours and he said he felt like it was the right thing to do but it would be at his expense, so I told him it was okay and we could talk later.
As I said, it was a terrible day for DB'ing.
And yet . . .
This morning, when I dropped off our D, he did exactly what I had asked him to do. He leaned in. He invited me inside. He told me he was sorry and that he felt better today. He walked me out and asked D to stay inside so that he could say goodbye to me. He hugged me and told me he loved me. He asked when I would have some free time today, and said he would call to check on me during that time.
WOW. I feel like I've been handed a huge gift. Now I really need to work on showing him that I can accept what he's giving and not push for more.
