Bea, That's right, it is fear, fear of the unknown, fear of losing you forever, fear of what life has to offer him and above all else, fear of having to face what he's done. He's still very much tied to your apron string and if it's cut, he doesn't know what he'll do or how he'll cope because you have been the one true person in his life for a very long time.
Lashing out, trying to sue you are the only things he has left to keep you in his drama. He knows that once everything is settled, he will have no need to have contact w/you except for your sons.
I don't see him falling any time soon and I also think that if the lawsuit goes through, he'll find something else to keep the drama going. If he does "ever" fall, it will be a nasty tumble and one that may just send him completely over the edge. It's not going to be a pretty sight and I'm glad you have some distance between you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I agree - I think if he ever were to fall he might have a total meltdown, and no way of putting himself back together.
If this doesn't sound strange, I believe he is attracted to my lack of drama. I was the only person who helped him to feel safe, and now the euphoria and drama are largely gone, he is left with a huge hole in his life and a growing sense of the extent to which he has blown it. I think he sort of 'hoped' that he could waltz back into our lives last spring (2013) and when that didn't happen, some reality leaked in, but that scared him so much he began lashing out again. This last year has been characterised by extreme anger - perhaps more than at any time. This was the bit I didn't understand.
You have always said to sit quietly and the answers will drop into our laps
Also, Bea, in my experience, when Smokey felt ANYTHING uncomfortable...it ALWAYS came out as anger...
Smokey + FEAR = Anger Smokey + Sad = Anger Smokey + Anxiety = Anger
I think, not to be sexist, but it's sorta a man thing? If it's uncomfortable, then it must be ANGER.
Sorry to disagree but I am a MAN and those things do not make me angry.
At least not at this point of my life, now 20 years ago I went through an ANGER stage. Mostly took it out on customers for my business, wasn't too good for business......
So anyways I think it is more of a stage of life type thing. JMHO
I am a woman and I to was angry for a period of time.. unexplainable anger, lack of patience, withdrawing from others so I wouldn' t lash out on them for stupid reason.. I talked to my doctor about it.. pre-menopause ?? I noticed my pattern and made connections.. It was link to my hormonal cycle.. STAGE OF LIFE !! that was my experience .. I am glad I didn' t stay that way. I was able to understand and work on it..
I think at times woman perceive that men are angry when they are really just strongly opinionated or passionate about something. My wife thought this even though I never rally said anything out of anger or lifted a hand or made any gestures in an angry fashion.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Bea, Your thread is going to lock soon (105 postings). You might want to think about a new thread title.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
that was my experience .. I am glad I didn' t stay that way. I was able to understand and work on it..