I've just had a light bulb moment - maybe it is the eruption onto the scene of some newish fun and feisty people that have had me thinking more about the process than I usually do.
I mean a real Homer Simpson Doh moment. As you know, my xh is a fairly mean one, and although I have heard the 'they feel guilty theory' of meanness, it didn't quite explain it all or ring true, and then I realised, it is fear. My xh is terrified of what is happening to him, He is out of control and doesn't know what to do (very poor coping skills might be an understatement here.)
Now I know there are those who say it doesn't matter why - well they are right in a way, but as humans we tend to seek explanations to understand the puzzle that wrecked our lives as they were. Understandable if not always constructive.
But now I realise it is fear, so much falls into place. Why didn't I see this before?
