I have run the gambit of being depressed and I am worried about you right now. For one thing you deserve to quit beating yourself up over this. Email me and we can set up a time to chat its easier than this.
Whatever you do just try to calm dwon until we can talk. Have you seen a doctor for depression. If not go immediately. Ask for some zoloft or something that will help you handle this better. Promise me you will do that.
Please remember one thing no one and I mean no one is worth what might be going through your mind right now. Please email me so we can talk ok.
